awholelotofcrunch

D is for...

... is for donchaknow they're good for you? 97kcal and 3.1g fat per 25g serving. As recommended by Weightwatchers - just 2 POINTS on the Weightwatchers diet - which in regular words means you can watch the pounds drip off as you stuff yourself. Seriously. Don't believe me? You'll find the technical stuff in the healthyweightforum,

The Weight Watchers Points Formula

The actual Weight Watchers Points formula used in the Weight Watchers Points   calculator is currently under strict US Patent laws. The formula is shown below::

 

Where:
p = Points
c = Calories
f = Fat Grams
r = Dietary fiber Grams

(Note: min{r, 4} equals the number of grams of dietary fiber or 4, whichever is smaller. In other words, only the first 4 grams of fiber "count.")

C is for...

... is for creosote. Well... not really. If it ain't marmite going into Twiglets I like to think of it as some kinda cauldron brewed creosotic tarlike substance. Only tasty, unsmelly and rather goody and not baddy. Darn... I knew I shoulda just said C is for crunch. So much easier.

"like a bitter, burnt cracker"

The Twiglets didn't go down too well at Beware the Cheese,

"They tasted like a bitter, burnt cracker with some kind of sour cheese-like flavour. I won't say that they were the worst things I've ever eaten but found it difficult to make it through the whole pack."

Twiglets packaging

The nosefurringly terrible Twiglets review at Taquitos does raise one interesting point. Well, the review doesn't raise any interetsing points, but the observation below the review does. There are a few quotes from the packaging,

"Satisfyingly 89% fat free!!" ... "Extremely crunchy!!" ... "Hazardously knobbly!!" ... "Jacob's products are baked with care, for your enjoyment." ... "Give 'em some stick"

Twiglets pacakaging has almost always boasted a distinctive lexicon. I hope to be able to catalogue the slogans, advertisements and logos as we go along. Compare and contrast the above with the most recent incarnation below - original syntax and capitals included,

 

"A whole lot of crunch in a wholewheat munch."

"Crunch Savoury Wholewheat Sticks"

"TOTALLY ORIGINAL entertain your senses! Only TWIGLETS give you that distinctive KNOBBLY shape, combined with a ZINGY taste & crunchy bite for all round sensual SATISFACTION"

"IT'S ALL IN THE WAY WE MAKE IT... WE BAKE I FOR A LIGHT & CRUNCHY BITE!"

All very in your face, innit? Capital letters, active adjectives and that old ally of advertising uh lot uv uhlliturrration.

I am a fan of the "A whole lot of crunch in a wholewheat munch" line, hence the name of this blog, but "Hazardously knobbly!!" and "Give 'em some stick" are not too shabby either.

Taquitos Twiglets review reviewed

Up until now I've been pretty much collating reviews, but the one at Taquitos requires some nifty editing, so here goes,

Jacob's Original Twiglets

Taste: These are very unusual good snacks. They're shaped, textured and colored kind of like small twigs (Observantm, if not poetic). And they taste kind of like burnt wood (no they don't), or burnt popcorn (No. They do not) or burnt cheese (Oh dear... you have nasal hair perming issues). Burnt something, anyway (well... OK... that's better, but errr... hardly informative, wouldn't you say?) I wouldn't say they're awful (that would not be possible, because they're are not awful), because they're oddly addictive (well spotted), but they definitely don't taste good (This is wrong on a number of physical and existential levels). They're quite crunchy (very insighful, thanks).

Aroma: Smells sort of like wood (please, can you just check something for me? Is there a nose attached to your head?), or coffee (Coffee? A tongue of leather, and no nose. Great. You're perfectly equipped to review fine British food.)

Twiglets porn

Enter the photo Twiglets photo gallery. Got your own Twiglets snaps? You're a Flickr member? Join the Twiglets Appreciation Society.

"munchy, knobbly, wholewheat snacks"

It would seem a lot of folk agree with the last line in this Ciao review as the Worcester Sauce flavoured Twiglets have yet to be resurrected, despite the pleas,

You either really like them, or abhor them, which is handy if you want a snack just for yourself.... Very few of my friends like them. They can become an addiction, and can cause people to avoid you, especially if they dislike marmite. They are available in other flavours, including Curry and Worcester Sauce flavours, but these are horrible. Only the marmite "Original" twiglets are worth eating.

Read the review in full and here are the comments.

"I love them"

An in depth review on Ciao which ends with something of a rallying cry,

Next time your wondering down the snack isles at your local super market, put down the Pringles and the nic nacs pick up the twiglets, give them out to friends who pop round, take a bag to work and leave them open in he canteen, let the children have a few in their packed lunches. Remind the world how wonderful twiglets are and get more people buying them, lets get twiglets pulled from the back shelve and sitting proud alng side the walkers crisps.

Read the review in full and here are the comments. The reviewer tinac37 also makes a very good point about the lack of information avaliable about Twiglets,

Before writing this I looked on the internet to get some information, like when they first appeared, who thought of them, who eats them? And do you know what I found? Nothing. These things just came from nowhere, maybe they fell from out of space and landed on the shelves at Asda, There is no other explanation any where. I'm not kidding ive looked and found nothing at all, ive read all the info on the packet and there is no indication of where the first twiglets came from.

Which is one of the reasons I started this blog. It's also a theme I'll be returning to again.

"Pull off the foil cover and munch"

A fairly balance review from Ciao,

To someone who had never been exposed to the wonder that is Marmite, its appeal may appear somewhat limited. A brown gooey mess made from yeast extract. Those oh-so astute marketing strategists clearly hit the nail on the head when they exclaimed "you either love it or you hate it". The concept of Twiglets would probably induce the same confused wondering amongst outsiders as to its appeal. But if anyone has ever tasted one, and falls into the "love" category, they will know exactly what their appeal is. Just as America gave us Pringles (once you pop you can't stop!) the UK has given us Twiglets (one nibble and you're nobbled!). Once you've opened a bag, or in my prefered container, a 200 gram tube, you simply cannot stop until they're all gone!

Read more and don't forget the comments.

Help save Worcester Sauce Twiglets

A petition to bring back Worcester Sauce Twiglets,

We (the people) demand that Worcester Sauce Twiglets be brought back to the shelves of our national retailers immediately! The fact that Jacobs have chosen to discontinue this most fabulous product clearly indicates the direction that this once fabulous nation is now heading in. I have no doubt that we shall be writing to our local parliamentarians imminently.

I wonder if Jacob's/United Biscuits are even aware of this campaign or any of the other mentions of Worcester Sauce Twiglets online. Listen to the love,

Thanks goodness i'm not alone.... havesearched high and low for them. Life is not thesame!!!! Come on Jacobs - get a grip - make mehappy again!!!!

I used to have the Tangy Twiglets sent in parcelsover to Germany where I live by my Aunt in Englandbecause they dont sell them here....now the foodparcels have stopped :'(

I have been a big fan of twiglets for a long time,but quite frankly I would like to see more of avariety in flavours. I would love it if Jacobswould bring back Worecester Sauce flavour for good!

They WERE twiglets. I miss them dearly

It goes on. Read more and if the Worcester sauce wonders are missed in your home go sign the petition

"Prestige and status"

That's the word on Twiglets from no less than Ilovecrisps.com who also add not wholly correctly,

"The best bit about Twiglets are the bits at the end that congregate at the bottom of the packet. Really good stuff. In some ways better than the actual thing."

Alors, where is Ilovecrisps promised where? Tell me where? The investigation is about to commence.

B is for...

.... is for baked and not fried. That's right, Twiglets not only taste great, but they'll keep you trimmer than Slimcea girl on Phentermine.

Missing Twiglets

Kirsten, an American, misses two things from England. One of them is...

"Twiglets are so gross, and yet you just can't stop eating them! it's like eating stale, marmite-encrusted cheetos, except AWESOME. Apparently other Americans can resist though, which is why i cant find any."

A is for....

.... is for ate, a lot and ain't 'alf 'appy.

Alphabet Twiglets

With the arrival of the tangy twiggy goodness, tomorrow I will start blogging the Twiglet alphabet with the aid of a hi-tech digital image taking contraption. For 26 days straight, from Aye to Zee this blog will be twigletized. Ideas for Twiglet words glady received as are imaginative contributions of the "A is for..." variety.

The Twiglets have landed

They took their time about it - and I'm not blaming either the British or the French postal systems, but I do have my suspicions... - but the twins arrived this afternoon. I'll be exploring them intimately over the coming days and weeks.

Marmite chicken or Twiglets?

Freaky Trigger takes a chicken where no chicken has been before - into the Marmite zone. He comes out with homemade Twiglets,

"Despite fears that the marmite, lacking any fat, would just burn - the actual results was rather pleasing... However the real revelation was in the pan. Where there was water left, the marmite, juices and water combined to make a very tasty gravy. Where the water had vanished there was a crisp bumpy dried husk which tasted identical to Twiglets. Therefore the side effect to Marmite Chicken was also the invention of Twiglets."

Bid for Twiglets

A two pronged blast from the past on eBay. Badges and ultra-retro Twiglets box. Not sure how well a 1970's batch of Twiglets will have matured the box could come in handy.

Etc. etc.

Excuse the indulgence... but... I just received a parental email, the contents of which contained this badly formed sentence,

"Posted your suet etc yesterday."

I appreciate this is hardly earth shattering news. The suet will find itself part of a jam roly-poly pudding or two and no doubt a large spotted dick, but the "etc." is the interesting bit. In there, I'm assured, be Twiglets. From Scotland to Toulouse as the French crow flies they may be here by the weekend. Praise be.

"They taste better than they sound"

Blogger Lian Choong writes and I edit, "I have recently discovered a new snack; Twiglets!! (lucky you - first hit is always the best. never quite get that high again) Twig-like in appearance (Very observant. Very twiglike), they could be likened to pretzels (They could be, but that would be impolite) A wholemeal crackery type stick coated in Marmite-like powdery stuff (Ahhh... that be them there magic twig dust. Savour.) They taste better than they sound!! (And they sound bloody great. Crunch.)

The key is congregation

Whacked out advice maybe, but there be wise words at the end,

Twiglets not only offer prestige and status, they are also the only corn snack available on the market that assasins will consider worthy as a weapon that can kill. Its quite easy to choke to death on a Twiglet and assasins know this and will play it to their advantage. If a pushy dinner host has only Twiglets on offer or your wife is getting bored and keen to get her hand on your life insurance. Be wary. They could be using Twiglets as a tool for your demise.

The best bit about Twiglets are the bits at the end that congregate at the bottom of the packet.

Twiglet man

I never saw 'Twiglet man' in the raw. It's daft, but it's in Brighton. Brighton does daft very well. This is, apparently, for a Twiglets commercial. The actor/comedian is radio man Justin Lee Collins. He mentions curry and he's clearly "burnin' up". This is in reference to the seemingly very shortlived lifespan of Twiglets Curry flavour variety. I'm a Twiglets original man through and through, but.... whatever happened to Twiglets curry flavour? Here's a twig or two more,

Jacob's is promoting its curry flavoured Twiglets by advertising on two million takeaway curry lids. The lids have been delivered to Indian restaurants in Scotland and the north of England, as the regions are believed to have the highest proportion of curry lovers. link.

I gotta say it, there is an appalling lack of info on Twiglets on the net.

Whatever happened to...

Worcester Sauce flavoured Twiglets? It's not just curry flavour that bit the dust. Apparently (as of 19 February) they are still on sale at Morrisons Supermarket in Falkirk, Scotland.

Twiglet watching

In the wild they look quite unassuming. Spotted at Gatwick airport, London, UK.

Twigletless in France

As far as I know France is a Twiglet free zone. Toulouse, where I live, is certainly bereft of the gnarly, marmitey, crunchy snack wonders. I've been promised a delivery from the UK by mail to arrive in the near future. I'll use this space to document the period of waiting, the period of eating and the period of mourning and then another period of waiting and a period of.... etc. etc ad infinitum until the French see fit to import the things or I seek out shady characters on street corners with pockets that rustle.